HEAVY

Artist’s Midden

This morning started cloudy and cold, with clouds that looked weighted and anticipatory. But then, much of February has seemed heavy and filled with anticipation. We are 60 days into Winter, but it feels decidedly longer. So much is swirling about these days, it’s hard to stay above it all. The air is so thick. So, I will narrow my focus, away from the news of the day, and start with something significantly lower. Something nearer to the ground. I caught a pack rat last night.

He started building a nest (which I found out is called a midden) at the base of a small juniper out front, earlier this month. With time, this particular midden has grown and is made up of twigs and pieces of cactus and whatever else the rat finds interesting. The bits of cactus are supposedly to keep predators at bay. I suppose they work. But he was also breaking off small branches from the juniper, as well as stripping bark from it to add to the nest. I was beginning to fear for the health of the tree. So, I decided he had to go, cactus or not.

I sat one of those Havahart ® traps. Baited it with peanut butter. And caught him the second night. But he was trapped early in the evening, just about dark. I discovered him shortly before 9 p.m. And I knew, with all the creatures that roam about this desert at night, I couldn’t leave him sitting out there exposed in that trap until morning. The consequences could be rather dire. So I moved him and the trap into the garage for the night. I’ll admit, my sleep was a bit broken as I woke up a few times and thought of him there in the garage, alone.

But, at daybreak this morning, under those heavy clouds, I drove him a few miles away and set him loose in an open field. He ran a couple of yards and turned and looked at me. Stared actually. I have seen this reaction more than once over the years from rodents. Upon release, they often seem confused or surprised. Second chances don’t seem to be in their DNA. Perhaps his stare was one of gratitude. Or perhaps it was just a question like — What now? I whispered to no one in particular — just Live, damn it!

I drove home silently, as the sun peaked out briefly. It was bright in my eyes for a moment and then was consumed just as quickly by the same heavy clouds. I so wanted there to be a hero in this story. Possibly the rat or possibly me, but all I felt was empty.

Sometimes choices in life are clear. Clear as day. Sometimes they’re not. Do you turn left or do you turn right? Do you build your house under a tree? Or do you take a rat for a ride? Alone in that car, I repeated my pseudo sage advice — just Live, damn it!

Note: Later, as I was about to start work, I looked around my cluttered studio. Recent drawings and watercolors strewn about everywhere, and it dawned on me — an Artist’s Midden. The rat and I were kindred souls, I suppose, and his haunting stare suddenly made perfect sense. 🖤